Changes... at least I hope so

Some things may be changing around here.

Bubba had a job interview, but it didn't pan out. He wasn't too tore up about it, it was seasonal.

He had another job interview and this one seems promising. After his drug and background test comes back, hopefully he'll be starting a new job.

I had picked up Friday nights at work, but that also didn't work out. It was from 11pm-9am. I can handle til 7, but the til 9 part 'bout killed me.

I think I know why it didn't work out. One of the managers told me I was going to be too busy for it.

I have been working on a project at work, that is going to become bigger. I am in charge of part of it. Once it's all set up and going okay, I was told it would be mine.

I get to pick other people to work with me. Tell them what to do and when to do it! WHOA...

I can't believe it!

And the kicker? I won't be on the phones much at all. I think I'm going to keep my overnights, though. I LIKE working overnights.

I want to be happy about this. I really do. But, I'm so afraid that I'm going to catch flack for it. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I feel I will be.

So this is a double-edged sword.

This would be great for us.

More hours for me = More money for the bills.

Bubba was so proud of me and excited.

If his job works out, he will make at least $3.75 more an hour. Plus benefits.

You read that right.

B-E-N-E-F-I-T-S... I almost had to look that up in the dictionary.

Health insurance, dental, vision, life insurance, profit sharing...

Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?

I don't want to get my hopes up.

Could things start turning around for us?

Now showing....

Scene: Getting ready to leave the house for some errands.

Script:

Bubba says "Are you ready yet?"
Mama says "Yes, are you ready?"
Bubba says "I've been ready, waiting on YOU"

Deadpan, The Princess looks at her daddy and says "Get off your ass then".

Cast then laughs hysterically as the daddy rolls around on the couch clutching his sides.

I don't get it.

Sometimes I just don't understand how some people think.

I mean, what the hell can run through some peoples minds?

My mom was with a man from the time I was about 9 or 10 until I was 18. In fact, they were together when she was a teenager, he was her 'first'.

I was told by an uncle of mine that this man could be my father.

My mom was highly pissed and denied this.

After seeing my real dads family, I look just like most of them. So, I believe her.

Then again, I was never 100% positive. I mean, we had the same hair color and eye color.

The when my oldest daughter was born, she was born with webbed toes. Yes, webbed. On both feet. The one next to the big toe and the middle ones. Webbed halfway up. She hates it. I wanted to get it fixed, but her daddy didn't want to put her through any pain. She wishes he would have let me do it. She can't stand wearing open-toed shoes...

Also, my second child? He has this on only one foot.

Anyway, I went off the subject.

This mans mom saw my daughter's feet and almost freaked. Because her late husband had the same thing. I think she really believed I may have been her granddaughter.

And when I saw my mom was with him, I mean they lived together the majority of that time.

I didn't live with them the whole time, though. I lived with my grandma some, off and on.

They also got married, but near the end.

See, he was a drunk. When he was drunk, he was a total asshole. A mean, fighting, beat up on his woman type of drunk.

I hated him for that.

But, I loved him.

He did for me more than his own kids. They were all jealous of me, because he didn't do that for them. They were all older than me, adults.

Him and my mom had some terrible fights. I mean, bloody, tear the house and cars up Kinda fights. Police coming, throw paint thinner on a newly painted car, bust out windows kinda fights. The kind where he could be foaming at the mouth and I would have to sit on him and hold his hands and arms down when I was 13 kinda fights. Where he's going to throw a huge ass rock through my car windshield right over top of my baby's head cause I brought her some cigarettes and she throws a huge ass rock and break his jaw that needs wiring shut kinda fights. Where he would rip the phone cords out of the walls so I wouldn't call the police kinda fights.

Then of course they made up, usually the next day. But, by then, the furniture and house were destroyed.

My mom always said it was all his fault. well, not all the time. I was there. I HEARD and SAW what she said and did. Gave him no right to beat her. He would try to leave and she wouldn't let him.

So, I would say it was a 50/50 kinda thing.

Yes, I admit I did love him. How? Why? I don't know.

Maybe because it wasn't always like that. There were good times, too.

Mom calls today and were talking.

"You know _____ died Friday, didn't you?"

huh.... wha....

NO, I didn't know that.

"He's being buried today"

"I wish I had of known before today"

"I thought you didn't like him."

okay....

I just don't know what to say. How should I feel about this?

Yes, I hated him sometimes. Yes, I could have killed him at times.

But, he was there for me when my dad wasn't.

When times were good, they were really good.

Why do people want to tell me AFTER the fact that someone I cared about died? Huh? I don't get it.

Am I not allowed to say goodbye?

Am I not allowed to grieve?

Weary

I've started working a new shift we work.

11pm-7am Monday through Friday. Then Saturdays 4pm-9pm and sometimes to 2am.

This Saturday I will work 5am until 9am and then 4pm until 2am.

I get off in a few minutes. It's 6:57 am.

What was I thinking?

I have always had a problem going to sleep. Much prefer the nighttime to the daytime. I always have.

I'd been taking sleeping pills to try and help me go to sleep. They don't so much as help me go to sleep, but once I am, they help me stay that way.

I do fine until about 5 am. That's when I want to go to sleep. lol

I lost my mind.... again.

Hopefully I'll get use to this soon.

But for right now? My body's weary... just so damn weary.

Buddy Bag

The princess can be quite odd... I mean imaginative at times.

One of the boys had bought something at Game Stop. I think it was the oldest boy child, with his birthday money.

Anyway, the princess somehow got a hold of the bag.

Now, this is NOT the first plastic bag she's ever seen. It's not unique in anyway. it's just a damned plastic bag.

She started carrying it around and calling it Buddy Bag.

What the hell?

She will pretend to give it drink and hug it.

She had misplaced it in my room, under my nightstand.

She caught sight of it earlier and squealed... BUUUUUDDDDYYYY BAAAAG!

She was tossing it up in the air and said 'Watch me blow him!'

I hope that's the only time in my life those words EVER come outta her mouth.

Disturbing, I tell ya'.

Nuppin

Thats the answer to any question thrown at the Princess.

No matter what you ask her.

She just came into the living room covered in something black.

I freaked out not knowing what is was. It looked a bit like marker.

Me: What is that?

Princess: Nuppin

Me: what is all on you?

Princess: NUPPIN

I took her by the hand and off we went to search.

Me: Where did you put it?

Princess: Nuupppinnn

So I had to pick her up and show her the reflection in the mirror. Her little face crumpled up and I asked again.

Me: Where did you put it?

She showed me a little tube of..... Mascara.

She had painted her face, arms, hands, belly, legs and feet with black mascara.

Thank goodness it wasn't waterproof.

A quick jump in the shower cleaned her all up.

A stern warning: Leave mommy's make-up alone from now on.

Princess: shakes head as if in agreement.

I don't buy it.

Plum tucker-ed out

I really love my job. It's worked out perfect for me.

I never thought I'd find a work at home job, where I could actually climb a little up the ladder. But I did!

I recently trained for overnights. I really enjoy that as well.

Until about 7 am.

I am tuckered out!

I started work at 11pm and am working until 9am. Just an hour and a half to go.

Whoo-weeeee...

I think I can make it.